We chase misprinted lies We face the path of time And yet I fight, and yet I fight This battle all alone No one to cry to No place to call home
My gift of self is raped My privacy is raked And yet I find, yet I find Repeating in my head If I can't be my own I'd feel better dead ~*~Alice In Chains~*~
MR. BROWN-"Let me tell ya what 'Like a Virgin's' about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine. I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby. I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape." He's diggin tunnels. Now she's gettin this serious dick action, she's feelin something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. Ya know, her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when his cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it first time. Ya see, the pain is reminding a fuck machine what is was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'."
(Mr. White snatches the address book from Joe's hand. They fight, but they're not really mad at each other.)
MR. WHITE-"Give me that fucking thing."
JOE-"Hey what the hell do you think you're doin? Give me my book back!"
MR. WHITE "I'm sick of fuckin hearin it Joe, I'll give it back to you when we leave."
JOE-"Whaddaya mean when we leave, gimme it back now."
MR. WHITE-"For the past fifteen minutes now, you've just been droning on about names. "Toby... Toby... Toby... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Chung... fuckin Charlie Chan." I got Madonna's big dick outta my left ear, and Toby Jap I don't know what, outta my right.
NICE GUY EDDIE-Okay, everybody cough up green for the little lady.
(Everybody whips out a buck, and throws it on the table. Everybody, that is, except Mr. Pink.)
NICE GUY EDDIE-C'mon, throw in a buck.
MR. PINK-Uh-uh. I don't tip.
NICE GUY EDDIE-Whaddaya mean you don't tip?
MR. PINK-I don't believe in it.
NICE GUY EDDIE-You don't believe in tipping?
MR. BLONDE(laughing)-I love this kid, he's a madman,this guy.
MR. BLUE-Do you have any idea what these girls make? They make shit.
MR. PINK-Don't give me that shit. She don't make enough money, she can quit.
NICE GUY EDDIE-I don't even know a Jew who'd have the balls to say that. So let's get this straight. You never ever tip?
MR. PINK-I don't tip because society says I have to. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort, they deserve a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, that shit's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doin their job.
MR. BLUE-Our girl was nice.
MR. PINK-Our girl was okay. She didn't do anything special.
MR. BLUE-What's special, take ya in the back and suck your dick?
(They all laugh.)
NICE GUY EDDIE-I'd go over twelve percent for that.
MR. PINK-Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fuckin time, and she's only filled my cup three times. I mean, when I order coffee, I want it filled six times.
MR. BLONDE-What if she's too fuckin busy?
MR. PINK-The words too fuckin busy shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary.
NICE GUY EDDIE-Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but the last thing you need is another cup of coffee.
(They all laugh.)
MR. PINK-These ladies aren't starvin to death. They make minimum wage. When I worked for minimum wage, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tip-worthy.
MR. BROWN-So you don't care that they're counting on your tips to live?
(Mr. Pink rubs two of his fingers together.)
MR. PINK-Do you know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin, playing just for the waitresses.
MR. WHITE-You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.
MR. PINK-So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them. They're servin ya food, you should tip em. But no, society says tip these guys over here, but not those guys over there. That's bullshit.
MR. BROWN-These people are taxed on the tips they make. When you stiff 'em,you cost them money.
MR. WHITE-Waitressing is the number one occupation for female non-college graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get, and make a living on. The reason is because of their tips.
MR. PINK-Fuck all that.
(They all laugh.)
MR. PINK-Hey, I'm very sorry that the government taxes their tips. That's fucked up. But that ain't my fault. it would appear that waitresses are just one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. You show me a paper says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it. Put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. And this non- college bullshit you're telling me, I got two words for that:"Learn to fuckin type." Cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big fuckin surprise.
MR. ORANGE-He's convinced me. Give me my dollar back.
NICE GUY EDDIE-Leave the dollers there! **Reservoir dogs**